VICHEKESHO VILIVYOTUFIKIA WIKI HII

*Upo ugenini unasikia "HUMU NDANI HATUJAWAHI KUPOTELEWA NA KITU"*
πŸ€”πŸ€”πŸ€”πŸ€”
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*Leo kuna mtu nimemtolea uvivu ! amenikuta nimetulia akaniuliza mbona nimekunja sura ...nikamwambia nataka kuiweka kwenye bag.*

Sipendangi ujinga mimi
πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚
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*_Dogo kampigia simu baba yake:_*
*_DOGO:_*_Baba katika zile shilingi laki mbili ulizonipa nikalipe ada nmetumia shilingi elfu 30 kubeti._
*_BABA:_*_Unasema nini we mpumbavu mshenzi mkubwa? Nimekukanya mara ngapi kuhusu kubeti._
*_DOGO:_*_Lakini baba......!_
*_BABA:_*_Lakini baba nini ngoja urudi utaona ntakachokufanya._
*_DOGO:_*_Nilitaka kukwambia kuwa nmeshinda shilingi milioni 3._
*_BABA:_*_Ndio hayo ninayosema wewe ni mpumbavu sana kwanini hukutumia laki nzima kubeti? Si ungepata pesa nyingi zaidi? Ngoja urudi niwataarifu ndugu zako jinsi ulivyo na akili za kuamua haraka mwanangu kipenzi_
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*Jana nlienda kununua parachichi la mia tano nkaomba mfuko,mama ayubu akaniambia hatoagi mfuko kwa  vitu vya chini ya elf moja Leo nimeenda kununua vocha ya elfmoja nkaomba mfuko...mpaka sasa muuzaji ananikodolea macho sijui anataka kunipa mifuko Miwili........!!!!!!!!*

#neva
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Quote of the day

:"Before you laugh at children who believe in Father Christmas,just know that there are adults who believe in ARSENE WENGER........πŸ˜€
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*_Hivi wote tunaolalamika pesa hakuna ni kweli tulikuwa nazo au wengine tunafuata mkumbo tu_*

😜😜😜😜😜😜
Samahani lakini
🚢🏿
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*Witchcraft is when you send your son overseas to study medicine and he comes back as a DJ*
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Mambo ya kuleftisha watu usiku,.
Kuna mmoja wetu mmemremove saa 10 usiku, akapitia Kwa demu wake hatujakaa sawa
Mwizi Mwizi Mwizi


Admin achukuliwe hatua πŸ˜€πŸ˜€πŸ˜€πŸ˜€✌✌✌✌
#Ashirufadhil
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No school😐, No career😐 ,No job😐 ,No talent😐 , Just iPhone 7+😎 , tattoos😐, and leggings,height waist jeans and crop top, Yet you want a guy to love you for who you are?
.
MY SISTER LEMME TELL YOU,
You don't need Jesus alone . You need Jesus ... Luke... Mathew ... Moses ..., Peter ..., John ...and all of his disciples.You might also need Judas Iscariot.πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚
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Kuna wanaume wazembe sana. Hata ukimwacha na mkeo, utamkuta anapiga naye story za maisha!
#Makoba
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TANGAZO!! TANGAZO!!TANGAZO.

kama unandugu yako amehitim chuo na yuko tayar kufanya kaz eneo lolote kulingana na taaluma yake kwa mshara zaid ya lak7.

Mpe hi
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ukiona unapenda ila hupendwi fanya yafuatayo...
1.tafuta kamba
2.tafuta kamba ngumu
3.iwe ngumu sana
4.hakikisha ni ngumu
5.tengeneza bembea
6.endelea kubembea..
maisha sio lazima upendwe, jipende mwenyewe..
endelea kubembea kwa raha zakoπŸ˜πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜πŸ˜πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚
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*Hizi mvua jamani isije kuwa watu wametangulia kwenye safina sie hatufahamu πŸ˜³πŸ˜…*
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*hali ya hewa ya dar es salaam kwa kipindi hiki inapendeza sana mkiwa wawili*


*mmoja apike chai mwengine akanunue chapati..we endelea tu kufikiria ujinga*
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Boy: naitwa Solomon
Girl: so😏
Boy: lomon

πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚
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*Binti alipokea txt kwny cm yake "Hi,mremb una boyfriend?" BINTI:Ndio, ninae kwan we nan??       "Mimi ni baba yako naomb nkukute hapo nyumbn unielez vzuri"       Baad ya mda kidog akapokea text nyingn "Hlw!,una boyfriend?" BINTI:Cna kabixaa! Bt u nan tena??     "Mi ni boyfriend wako nlitak kujua unavyojicfia kuw na mm, kwl nimegundua hunipend" BINTI:Oh,sorr bby nlijua baba ang mana ametok kuniulza swl iloilo!    "Yes,ndio mm baba yako yan leo utantambua nkirud uko shenz ww!!!!"..*
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*Samahani Dada mimi nina mpenzi wangu nampenda na siwezi kumsaliti*

*Boyz kama yupo mwenye Huu msimamo aje nimpeleke Makumbusho ya Taifa*
πŸ‘‰πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚
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*HIVI USHAWAHI KUWA NA NJAA!! HADI IKAFIKA HATUA UKAKOSA NGUVU    YA  KUJAMBA*
πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚
**akili zangu bhana....
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We mwanamke endelea tu kulala na njaa, ukizaa watoto wa ajabu usitulaumu!
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BOY : Mambo baby

GIRL: (kimyaaa)

BOY : Mbona kimya hujibu
text zangu baby...

GIRL: (kimyaaa)

BOY : 539967894306871
vocha hiyo ya 5000

GIRL: Mbona haiingii baby
❤❤❤

BOY : Gongelea na nyundo
πŸ”¨πŸ”¨ πŸ”¨πŸ”¨

πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚
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*Wanaume wenzangu usijifanye kidume sana kwenye Sex wewe sio mashine*
*Kama umechoka simama Vaa ondoka*
*wanawake huwa hawaridhiki*
*KWANZA HUWEZI KUSHINDANA NA ULIPOTOKA*
πŸ‘‰πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚
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When your wife keeps her head on your chest and slowly asks

"Dear, do you have any women in your life other than me"?

Remember your answer is not important at this time

Important is your heartbeat. Keep your heart beat in control

So be carefulπŸ˜‚πŸ˜œ
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Baba:We kenge kavae uniform uende shule
Mtoto:Duh!! kweli  nyie wenzetu binadamu mmeendelea yani hata sisi kenge mnataka twende shule

NIMEACHA AMBULANCE INAKUJA ITAKUWA INAKUJA KUMCHUKUA MTOTO AENDE SHULE...πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚
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*_Hakuna KUNYONYA_*
*_Hakuna KURAMBA_*
*_Hakuna KUTIA KIDOLE waLa KUSHIKA_*

*_Ni_*
*_ONYO_*
*_Limewekwa kweny Duka La kuuza AsaLi_*
πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚
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Ushawahi kuvuta bangi mpaka rafiki yako anakwambia kesho harusi ya dada yake wewe ukamuuliza "mwili utaletwa saa ngapi"!?

Bangi sio pepsi...
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*ili utajirike lazima ufaham mambo makubwa mawili*
πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚
*mambo yenyewe hata siyafaham ndo maana sjatajirika? tuendelee kuangaika tu ndugu yangu hakuna namna*
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*Yeyote anaesoma hii mesej,  Namuombea mwaka huu apate mimba!*
πŸ˜†πŸ˜†πŸ˜†πŸ˜†πŸ˜†πŸ˜†

*Type Amen!*
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*My girlfriend was asking me why i've never smiled at her ever since we started dating, she is forgeting that she told me she wanted a serious relationship.*πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚
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*_Mwalimu Wa Hesabu Aliingia Dalasani Na Akaanza Kumuuliza Juma Swali_*

Mwalimu:juu Ya Mti Kuna Ndege 20 Ukiichukua Bunduki Ukawapiga Ndege 2 watabaki wangapi?

Juma: hawata baki wote wataluka kwa kuogopa mlio wa bunduki

Mwalimu: hapana umekosa watabaki ndege 18 ILA nimependa ulivyojibu umewaza mbalii

Juma: sawa mwalimu nami naomba nikuulize swali

Juma: kuna wadada wawili walinunua chocklet mmoja akawa ananyonya mwingine akawa analamba we unahisi yupi ni mke wa mtu?

Mwalimu: nadhani mke wa mtu ni yule anaye nyonya

Juma: hapana mke wa mtu ni yule mwenye pete ya ndoa ila nimependa ulivyojibu umewaza mbaliii

Ukileta uchizi .....tunakusogezea ujingaaaπŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ’€πŸ’€πŸ˜ŽπŸ˜Ž
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*wachagga ndilo kabila pekee duniani ambalo hucheza ngoma zao za asili wakiwa wameshikana mikono, lengo la kushikana mikono ni kuzuia lile jambo la kuchomoleana noti mifukoni*πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ™ŒπŸΏπŸ™ŒπŸΏπŸ™ŒπŸΏπŸ™ŒπŸΏπŸ™ŒπŸΏπŸ™ŒπŸΏ
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*BAUNSA:* Baa Hii Washenzi Wote!

*KAUNTA:* Kwani Vip Mzee?  Tumekukosea Nini?

*BAUNSA :* Nimeenda Chooni Jambazi Mmoja Na bastola si akaniwekea Kichwani Akadai Nikikataa Asinibake Ananilipua Risasi Ya Kichwa

*KAUNTA:* He Pole Wahuni Hao, Sasa Imekuwaje

*BAUNSA :* Imekuwaje Nini?  Maswali Gani Hayo?  Kwani Umesikia Mlio Wa Bunduki

🀣🀣🀣🀣🀣🀣🀣🀣🀣
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*TUWENI MAKINI NA UANDISHI WA CV ZETU*

*Mfanyakazi* : Bosi leo mvua ina nyesha sana kwetu!!! Maji yamejaa kuzunguka nyumba yetu hivyo siwezi kufika kazini

*Boss*: kwenye cv yako ya maombi ya kazi ulia,ndika hobby yako ni kuogelea hivyo tukutane kaziniπŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚
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*_```Sasa hivi kwenye daladala nimemgusa mtu alokaa mbele ili apunguze volume ya music wa Simu yake; Kwa kiherehere chake akanipa elfu kumi bila kunitizama akidhani mie ni konda.```_*
*_Imebidi nishuke pale pale kwa raha zangu._*

*_```Sipendagi ujinga kabisaaa mwezi ukiwa kona```_*
πŸ˜‘πŸ˜‘πŸ˜‘πŸ™„πŸ™„πŸ™„
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*Bila wewe  siwezi kuishi wala kupumua*  *nakupenda sanaaa*
*Pua yanguuuu*
😜😜😜😜
*Ulizani  bange nimeacha ee*
πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚
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*Kuna mume wa mtu kafumaniwa na kabinti nyumba ya tatu toka kwao. Anadai alisombwa na mafuriko yakamtupa huko. Hili ni jambo la hatari sana. Nashauri wanaume tujihadhari sana kutembea kwenye mikondo ya maji*
πŸ€’πŸ€’πŸ€’πŸ€’πŸ€’
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Vichekesho hivi vimetolewa katika ‘magroup’ mbalimbali ya WhatsApp. Kwa bahati mbaya, watunzi wake, huwa hawaandiki majina yao. Hata hivyo wachache wamefanya hivyo.


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